What I didn’t factor in on my “leaving to do” list
Hand work notice in. Check
Hand flat notice in. Check
Selling my stuff. Mostly check.
So that’s the hard stuff out of the way right? Eh.
I didn’t expect nights like tonight to even factor into my travelling plans when I was all set to go. The ones where a group of mates hang out. We chat, we laugh, we of course eat (we all love burgers) and just have an all round awesome night. I have 2-4 nights like these a week with various people. Sometimes more. Sometimes less.
We end the night and all say our goodbyes and already have another night lined up in 2 days time. I already know I’m going to have a great time and already looking forward to seeing them again
So what’s wrong?
I thought that handing my notice in at work would make it definite that I was going. That doing that, and selling my stuff were my last real hurdles. Buying tickets, insurance etc would just follow and would be fairly easy. I can click on a few buttons on a website right?
But tonight I ask myself why I’m leaving this behind? I’m never going to have to a better social life than I am right now. I’m never going to be invited to multiple things during the week, cinema, restaurants, bars, cafes etc and then have great weekends.
I’ve got mates who genuinely care about me and I’m leaving them to galavant around the world. For what? To hope I find something better than this? Ultimately we work to live, not live to work. So surely I should shut up, enjoy my 9-5 job and just be thankful that part of my life is so great.
But then I take a step back. My social life is so important to me, but my actual life, my day to day one just feels so unfulfilled and mudane. What am I doing with my existence? Why am I seeing the same damn view every day?
Why am I working? To afford this flat and life.
Why am I in this flat and life? Due to my work.
I’m in the endless rut and as I have no ties I can jump out. I can do something about this but no one else can.
I take a further step back, my friends who do genuinely care for me will be here when I get back. Yes I’m bound to lose some when I come back, that’s inevitable. However I’ll make many more on my travels.
Tonight has been a wake up call. That my biggest hurdle is yet to come, and doesn’t even feature on my todo list before I travel. Maybe because I know deep down, I can’t simply bullet point “leave those you love and laugh with behind and hope they’re there for you when you come back” without hesitating about travelling.
Oh and don’t even get me started on leaving my nieces and family.